


Human Domestication Tactics

by FunkMcLovin



Series: The Leisurely Conquest of Earth C [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-29 09:57:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19827760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkMcLovin/pseuds/FunkMcLovin
Summary: Rose is feeling dissatisfied with her marriage. When she confronts Kanaya about it, she doesn't get what she anticipated...





	1. Dismissal Never Felt So Good

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE NOTE: I am leaving this fic behind. Enjoy what of it exists!

==> Wake Up.

You wake up in your bed, as usual. Waking up in your bed is pretty much the only place you've woken up for the past several years living on Earth C, but those many days of waking up have been bereft of your lovely alien wife, Kanaya. You're not sure why she doesn't sleep with you, and you pretend it doesn't bother you, but it does. Today, you resolve, is the day you're going to say something about it.

==> Go Downstairs.

You slide out of bed and walk to the door, shedding sleep as you go. You're not quite sure where today's resolve is coming from, particularly so early in the day, but you aren't going to let it slip through your fingers.

Your and Kanaya's house is lovely. Small, in your opinion, but perfectly cozy for a family of two.

Things haven't been going well between the both of you. You've never had trouble in a marriage, and the nature of it scares you. You almost wish the trouble was brewed from fighting, but instead it is from a dire lack of... Of... Anything, really. Kanaya goes to work, then she returns, exhausted, she allows you to lay on her thighs before she slinks off to bed. On paper, it sounds lovely, but there is an inexplicable distance, an uncanny feeling that Kanaya is far and away while you wait for her every night like a puppy. A puppy who has been getting less and less attention.

==>

ROSE: Kanaya.

Kanaya looks up from her morning coffee. She, as usual, is up before you, sipping her coffee. She looks up and smiles that warm, matronly smile that you fell in love with years and years ago on that meteor.

KANAYA: Rose My Darling  
KANAYA: You Are Up Early

She looks you up and down, giggling. Damn. You should have remembered to wear pants for your confrontation. As it stands, you're slouching before your wife in your underpants, hair askew, eyes addled with sleep. Still.

ROSE: We need to talk.

Kanaya pauses. When the words "we need to talk" are uttered by one's significant other, the air in a room changes. Even if the talking is the most benign, those four words are cause for pause, even more so when uttered by a Seer like you. Kanaya sets her mug down, tenting her fingers.

KANAYA: Rose I Appreciate You Communicating With Me  
KANAYA: However Before Work Is Hardly The Time To Bring Up Anything Dire  
KANAYA: Please Tell Me What Troubles You

Fuck. You forgot about that, too. Kanaya would have to leave for the broodcaverns in minutes. You're starting to have doubts about this. It's stupid and small and probably doesn't matter, and-

==> Confront your wife.

ROSE: You don't sleep with me.

Much to your surprise, despite your dire tone and serious expression, Kanaya... Chuckles.

KANAYA: Oh Thank Goodness  
KANAYA: I Feared It Was Something Serious

You blink. This was serious! You open your mouth to respond as such, but Kanaya speaks before you can.

KANAYA: Look Rose  
KANAYA: I Keep My Bed Very Particularly  
KANAYA: It Is Nothing Personal Of Course But  
KANAYA: We Would Likely Argue If We Slept In The Same Spot You See  
KANAYA: There Are So Many Other Places For Us To Cuddle Rose  
KANAYA: In Fact

Kanaya claps her hands together, smiling, her fangs curling over those plump lips.

KANAYA: When I Get Home Why Dont You Think Of Five Nice New Cuddle Spots For Us

You blink again. Five new... Cuddle spots? Your mind is already reeling for new places, but something nags at the back of your head.

KANAYA: Can you Do That For Me, Rosie?  
ROSE: I... Wait, what?  
KANAYA: Excellent!

Kanaya stands, polishing off her mug of coffee, handing it to you before ruffling your hair, walking past you to the door.

KANAYA: And Do Try To Behave While I Am Gone

She blows a kiss, and before you can reply, she disappears, the door quietly shutting behind her, leaving you standing, lips parted, her dirty coffee mug in your hands.

==>

Your wife is usually gone until about six PM. Until then, you have full reign over the house. Usually you use this time for reading, but presently, you're doing the dishes. It is domestic and somewhat boring, but it gives you time to think, which is something you are excellent at doing but at present is baffling you.

Kanaya's tone has never struck you in such a strange way, before. The way she ruffled your hair, the way she brushed off your complaint without a second listen, with such a condescending task. It makes you feel like a child assigned some kindergarden-grade task, dreampt up to keep you busy with something silly.

It should make you mad, being brushed off like this. You place the last dish in the rack, the mug Kanaya had handed you this very morning. What is most upsetting about Kanaya's dismissive task... The most frustrating and worrisome thing about it was not the condescending smile Kanaya flashed you, nor the cloying hair-ruffle... It was that you *liked it.*

You saw through Kanaya's ruse to keep you busy and prevent you from complaining, but the ruse wasn't the issue- It was the fact that you fully intended to have five brand-new "cuddle spots" ready for your wife when she got home.

Like a dutiful little puppy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try my twitter: https://twitter.com/ThirstyBoyUSA


	2. Savoring Reprimand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya returns home, but Rose has been up to some shenanigans...

Not only does Kanaya no longer sleep with you, but she keeps the door to her room locked when she's away. It's not that there are secrets in there, it's just a recupacoon and her various sewing implements, but the gesture always struck you as somewhat paranoid, almost motherly. There's some contrarian part of you that squirms whenever someone does something motherly, and that instinct has been kicking into overdrive as of late. The more you pay attention, the more you notice little gestures that make that squirming sense of yours twitch and writhe, like a tiny excited kitten in the back of your brain that frolics whenever your wife bosses you around.

You're on the sofa, idly watching the clock on the table. 5:58 PM. Kanaya should be home soon. Even after so many loving years of marriage, you're still excited for Kanaya's return. It almost feels like your day hasn't truly started until that hour when Kanaya arrives home, which didn't used to bother you, not until this cold spell she's been serving you. 6:01 PM. Damn. You shift on the sofa, turning your body to face the front door. Your heart is thudding in spite of itself.

==> Try to calm down.

You take a deep breath, trying to steady your breathing. It's not like Kanaya is going to burst in and kill you. This is your wife. She is coming home, it is a reason for calm pleasure, not frantic excitement. You take another slow, deep-

Oh fuck, the doorknob just jostled.

You leap to your feet, smoothing down the lovely green skirt you've selected, heart in overdrive again. You scramble forth as the door swings open and Kanaya sees the familiar image of you, dutifully waiting on the welcome mat, dressed up just for her. She smiles and exhales a tired breath, looking at you with a look that makes your heart swell so much it aches. She looks so... Peacefully grateful. You almost feel guilty about hassling her this morning. God, she works so hard. Hard for you, hard for her species, and you deign to pester her about her sleep habits? For shame, Rose.

KANAYA: Why Hello

KANAYA: Waiting Long Darling?

You try to stifle the urge to beam like a child, managing to only quirk your black-painted lips in a smirk.

ROSE: You're late, Kanaya.

Kanaya knows you couldn't care less how late she was, not now, not when she is home, when her presence fills up your shared home, making it feel whole again. You can't help but take her coat, and she lets you. She lets you hang it up, watches you help her with her shoes, guiding her to the sofa and laying her down on it to relax.

KANAYA: Rose You Are So Good To Me

KANAYA: What Have I Done To Deserve You

Those words, spoken with such careful, measured love, make every thought about Kanaya's chilly demeanor for the past few days evaporate. Your feelings of doubt are like grains of sand in the wind against Kanaya's sweet words.

==> Move in for the smooch.

ROSE: Kanaya, welcome home.

You pull Kanaya in for a kiss and she lets you, her fangs brushing your soft human lips as two pairs of black-lipstick-smeared faces press gently into each other the way only practiced lovers can.

You dressed up so lovely for her, you hope she notices. You watch her carefully after you pull back from the kiss. To your smug pleasure, she is eyeing your outfit with a pleasant grin.

KANAYA: You Look Good In My Color

ROSE: Kanaya, my dear, I look good in anything I manage to squeeze into.

KANAYA: Too True Of Course

KANAYA: Though We Should Not Test This Theory On Say

KANAYA: Clown Makeup

ROSE: Heavens, no. 

You both laugh. You're finding it harder to believe you had any grievances this morning at all.

ROSE: Look, I also took the liberty of putting your symbol on the hem, see?

Kanaya takes the fabric in her hand, her well-manicured nails, painted but short, graze the top of your thigh. She is silent. The moment stretches out and you find yourself worried. Kanaya looks up at you, a calm, blank expression on her face, her hand still on your skirt, holding it tightly.

KANAYA: Rose?

She asks your name so innocently, but her tone is jam-packed with that motherly tone that makes your brain twitch. You don't dare speak, frozen in place, eyes widening.

KANAYA: Tell Me Something

You blink your big eyes at Kanaya. Your heart is pounding again. You close your mouth, opening it again hesitantly. Before you can figure out if she wants you to respond or not, she speaks again.

KANAYA: Do You Own A Sewing Machine?

You swallow.

ROSE: No.

KANAYA: And Yet

KANAYA: This Pattern Was Sewn On

KANAYA: With such lovely black thread, too.

You stammer, speaking hurriedly.

ROSE: Kanaya, I only went into your room to sew this on, I promise. Nothing is out of place, I merely wanted to make something special for-

Kanaya slowly raises a single finger to your lips. You fall silent as Kanaya hits your mute button. Your heart hammers. This is asinine! You're a grown woman, you should be able to operate a sewing machine in your own damn home! And yet... Despite this, you feel absolutely guilty. Kanaya shooshes you in her softest, most gentle voice.

KANAYA: Hush Now Dear

KANAYA: Walk Me Through This Then

Kanaya lifts her finger from your lips, but you know better than to speak. She continues.

KANAYA: You Entered My Room

KANAYA: Which Presumably You Had To Break Into To Gain Access

KANAYA: And Used My Sewing Machine In Spite Of My Specific Instructions Not To

KANAYA: Am I Correct So Far, Miss Lalonde?

Oh, god, "Miss Lalonde?" The name makes you whimper. You imagine how pathetic you must look right now.

KANAYA: Speak

Her command snaps you back into reality.

ROSE: Yes.

You hastily say.

KANAYA: Yes What

Oh god, your poor heart is close to stopping. There's a twisting knot in your tummy, your legs jiggling against the sofa nervously, your eyes, wide and frightened are locked on your wife. Your breath catches as you gasp,

ROSE: Yes, ma'am.

Kanaya, satisfied, leans back on the sofa, kicking her feet up on the lovely lavender ottoman you picked out. She wraps an arm around you.

KANAYA: It Is Not That I Do Not Appreciate The Gesture

KANAYA: In Fact Had You Asked I Would Have Happily Helped You

ROSE: I... Kanaya, please, I know how to operate a sewing machine, I'm not-

Kanaya presses that finger against your lips again, more insistently this time, swiveling her head so her eyes lock onto yours. You suck in a breath and hastily look down.

KANAYA: I Believe I Said

KANAYA: Hush.

She waits until she's sure you're finished misbehaving. The way she is so painfully gentle and firm in her reprimand is what makes the whole process so nerve-wracking.

KANAYA: I Was So Excited To Come Home You Know

KANAYA: To See What You Had Come Up With For Spots To Cuddle In

KANAYA: But I Believe Tonight There Will Be No Such Cuddling

You feel like you might cry. You've been looking forward to this all day long! You toiled over this list, itemizing five locations primed for the trollsnugs, along with two paragraphs each, color-coded by pros and cons, accompanying each spot. All that in spite of your reluctance to finish the task, too... You feel so silly now for dragging your feet. You feel so foolish for belligerently picking the lock to Kanaya's room. You look up at Kanaya sorrowfully. She looks back down on you without a trace of pity. She stands and you remain glued to the spot.

KANAYA: I Am Going To Get Some Work Done

KANAYA: To Make Sure You Did Not Indeed Disorganize My Office

KANAYA: When I Emerge And Assess The Damage

Kanaya pauses for dramatic effect, a gesture you find cloying, yet works flawlessly every time.

KANAYA: ...I Will Deal With You

She left it at that, hips swaying as she walks away, leaving you a shaking, confused mess of a girl. You feel so small, and for a few moments, you can't move for fear Kanaya wouldn't want it.


	3. A Pleasant Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose stews over the punishments from yesterday's folly...

==> Rose: Pace

You pace back and forth in your living room, hands clasped behind your back. Yesterday night's events swim in your mind. It's barely perceptible, but things are so very different now, you can feel it. Kanaya has never reprimanded you like that before, let alone for an infraction so simple. When she saw the state you left her office in, well... Suffice to say, she was not pleased.

A shudder runs through your spine. You tell yourself it is because of the fear the memory of Kanaya's punishment brings, but that's not entirely accurate. The shiver in your spine comes from another source, the same source that makes that squirming knot in your stomach act up. When Kanaya paced towards you, rolling up her sleeves, in spite of your shame and your humiliation, you... You thought she looked very pretty.

==> Remember

No! No, no, no. You're giving far too much thought to that dreadful incident.

Kanaya is away at work again, and you should be focusing your energies on making up for yesterday's follies instead of fixating on them. Yes, moving forward, that is the best course of action. You will have to make sure the house is extra clean for your lovely wife. Really, the last thing you want is for Kanaya to come home again and be upset- The thing that struck you the most last night, the thing that made you feel the most guilt was seeing her expression, tired and a little sad. You can't bring yourself to be the cause of that sadness again, no matter how silly you think your wife is being.

She didn't lock her room before she left. You know it is likely because of last night's punishment. She knows that you wouldn't dare enter without permission again. You know it, too.

==> Distract yourself.

You successfully distract yourself with housework. You do most of the housework, usually. You really don't mind being a housewife and you can kind of see the appeal you missed when you were a child watching your mother fuss with the vacuum. A decadent fruit smoothie in one hand, a feather duster in the other, absolute bliss. Now that you're older, too, you see there is no shame in the subservience that comes from housework. It's empowering, if anything. Kanaya has never bothered you to clean or vacuum, but you can see the palpable happiness it brings her, a happiness that fills you with pride. You feel happy, too, looking over a job well done and reaping the rewards of a clean home.

You don't work for money. You work for Kanaya smiles.

==> Take a break.

All that said, doing anything for too long can get tiresome. The house is plenty clean, sure to impress your wife when she gets home. Now, it's time to wrangle up some grub. Not literally, of course, you leave the grubs to Miss Maryam.

As you idly piece together a sandwich, your mind wanders again to last night. You groan as a piece of cheese smooshes the mustard underneath it. God, why does your wife have to be so hot, even when administering punishments?

==> Remember.

Okay, okay, fine! Whatever. You'll remember, you guess.

You are now Past Rose.

==> Past Rose: Fidget

The air in the living room is thick. Kanaya is in the other room, assessing the damage done to her office. Her silence speaks volumes. You desperately strain your ears, trying to hear her as she investigates her office, trying to impossibly decipher what she's thinking. You know what it looks like in there, the way you left it. In some passive-aggressive gesture, you left fabric and thread strewn about, completely tossing her organization system to the wind. It seems so stupid to you now. Why would you have done that?

The living room is dim. Twilight creeps through the slats in your blinds and paints bright, horizontal stripes on your clothes like the stripes on a convict's outfit. You clutch the skirt you embroidered, wishing you could take it off without looking like a fool, you feel so ashamed to be standing in the very garment that got you into this mess in the first place.

Your soft, blonde hair is perfectly coiffed and your eyes are big and round, making you look like a frightened doll. You hope it is enough to make Kanaya show you mercy.

After what seems like an eternity, she emerges, slowly.

KANAYA: Rose

She speaks without any of the softness that is usually in her voice. It is sharp and commanding. She is bringing you to heel and you cower, failing to make eye contact.

KANAYA: Come

Normally such a firm directive would make you balk. You wouldn't be caught dead getting bossed around like that, but these are not normal circumstances. You fucked up. You messed up your wife's room. Now she's cross with you, and you feel a sense of shame that weighs on you with all the force of what you realize now was a silly game on your part.

KANAYA: Now

You trot to Kanaya, entering her office with her. She stands in the doorway, allowing you inside, blocking your exit once you are situated in the room.

KANAYA: Tell Me Rose

KANAYA: What Do You See Here?

You find your voice, but it exits your black lips in only a tiny whisper.

ROSE: I... I see your office.

KANAYA: Does My Office Usually Look Like This Rose

ROSE: No. It is usually very lovely and pristine.

KANAYA: Usually

KANAYA: Why Is It Not In Such A State Right Now

You look around the room. A piece of fabric is on the floor. The sewing machine is still on, thread scattered on the table with a blatant disregard for Kanaya's carefully labeled organization system.

ROSE: Kanaya.

You desperately implore, looking up at her with those purple saucers.

ROSE: Please, I... I did not mean to mess up your room.

Despite the sorrow on your face, Kanaya doesn't offer a shred of sympathy.

KANAYA: Rose Come Now

KANAYA: You Are Smarter Than That. This Is Not About The Room. It Is About The Message You Have Sent Me With This Gesture

ROSE: I'm sorry.

The two syllables are begging, but Kanaya presses on, bristling as you speak over her.

KANAYA: The Message You Have Sent Is That You Do Not Respect My Space Nor My Guidelines

KANAYA: Apparently You Are Less Smart Than I Give You Credit For, Rose

KANAYA: But No Matter

KANAYA: I Am An Excellent Teacher

She demurely sits on her office chair, smoothing her skirt out.

KANAYA: Lay Across My Lap

You hold your breath, your mind reeling. She couldn't be suggesting- Not even your mother did this! You find yourself leaning forward, your foot catching you as you drift-walk towards Kanaya, head hazy. You lay across your wife's lap.

ROSE: K-Kanaya.

The word catches in your throat. You stare at the floor, feeling Kanaya peel the embroidered skirt from your waist, leaving you in only your panties. They're pale purple and she slides a finger in the band idly before resting one of her broad hands on your rear. Your breath catches again.

KANAYA: Miss Lalonde, I Would Like You To Count

KANAYA: When We Reach Ten Together

KANAYA: I Believe That You Will Have Learnt Your Lesson About Respect

You can only nod, your soft blonde locks bouncing with your ready response.

==> Past Rose: Get Spanked.

Kanaya's hand raises from your rear and you feel nothing for a pregnant moment before your senses catch fire. Her hand smacks your ass and your leg kicks up. It stings in the perfect way it should, sharp and quick, lingering like an echo where her hand made contact. You squeak in an utterly pathetic voice, barely managing to remember to count.

ROSE: One!

You gasp the number into the air of Kanaya's office. It's impossible to know what she is thinking with your head turned to the floor. She raises her hand again and you quiver.

It's not the pain that is getting you. It's the emotional exhaustion of it all.

ROSE: Two!

It seemed so trivial before, just goofing around and teasing your wife for making a dumb rule like forbidding you from using a sewing machine. A jab at her for treating you like a child. Now, too late, you realize you were acting like one. And now?

ROSE: Three!!

You're getting punished like one.

Your ass is starting to feel sore already. Kanaya is repeatedly attacking the same spot, precise and harsh, signifying her feelings through the gentle pain in your rear end.

ROSE: F-four! Five! Six!

You feel so foolish, so stupid. You cry, tears falling from your eyes as every spank packs more shame into you. You disobeyed Kanaya, you let her believe she could trust you and you tore the rug from under her. It's so small, so tiny, but the infraction now feels so much more, signifying more than just messing up Kanaya's room. This was about your whole attitude towards her. She was telling you with every crack of her grey skin on yours that she took this very seriously.

ROSE: Seven! Eight! Nine!

Three more smacks and Kanaya pauses. By now you're sniffling and shaking. She rubs your ass gently. It soothes the sting a little and the brief pause makes you choke a little harder.

KANAYA: One More Honey

The softness in her words is heart-rending. She's being so kind to you in spite of all this and it is pure, delicious agony.

She raises her hand and the force of the smack makes you jolt, pushing you forward before you settle on her lap again, quivering and quaking.

You can barely think right now, so when Kanaya pulls you upright in her lap, turning your body so you're straddling her lap, facing her, you just let her, pliant and doll-like in her arms.

KANAYA: Better

The word floods your body with some emotion, soothing and overwhelming at once. You cry. Kanaya pulls you close into a loving hug, the hand that was spanking you moments ago now stroking your hair lovingly. Kanaya shooshes you delicately, kissing the tears from your cheeks.

She adjusts you again, this time carrying you, hands careful and strong, to your bed.

KANAYA: I Know What This Is Really About Rose

KANAYA: It Is About This Morning

KANAYA: You Just Wanted Me To Sleep With You

You nod. She was right, of course. It was painfully simple, really, you just got pissed off at her for not wanting to sleep with you. She lays you down, sliding into bed with you. You sniffle, avoiding her gaze.

KANAYA: Tonight, I Will Sleep With You, Alright?

KANAYA: We Will Still Discuss Sleeping Arrangements But

KANAYA: You Had A Rough Day

You can only nod silently, squeezing closer to your loving wife.

In her strong arms, tears drying on your face... you fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try my twitter! https://twitter.com/ThirstyBoyUSA


	4. Epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya reflects on the nature of the species she shares a planet with as well as her wife...

==> Be Kanaya

You are now Kanaya. Congratulations.

You are the proud matron to the Mother Grub, who you tend to with care. The job gets a little tiresome and keeps you from your lovely wife, but that is the price of being the single troll responsible for reproduction on Earth C.

Well, you do have help. Karkat wanders down sometimes, and there are the numerous Jadebloods who bring young wigglers to term, not to mention your trusty aide, Swifer Eggmop. Gods bless that girl, you don't know what you would do without her. You glance towards Swifer, who is currently Swiffing the office sofa clean. She shoots you a hearty thumbs up. You nod politely. Yes, life is good.

Still, it's hard work, made harder still by recent developments in the political landscape of Earth C, namely one specific baker-baroness with a penchant for decrying your noble cause. You didn't think much of Jane before, she was the healer back in those halcyon days of Sburb, an innocent-looking and somewhat attractive girl, certainly not someone you would assume would grow to have such harsh opinions of your species or the reproduction thereof, let alone impose those opinions on a population of impressionable Earth C-ites.

You flip through your phone idly, keeping a finger to the pulse that was the news. You groan at the headlines, likely dreamed up by Dersite carapicians. They love their daily rags, and now that they've discovered the internet, the news is even more ostentatious. It's anything but inaccurate, though, if one ignores the unnecessary opinioneering in the articles.

"CROCKER CONDEMNS COPULATION!" one headline announces. You frown, looking upon Jane's smug face in the photo attached.

"Jane Crocker, in a gaudy press conference today, announced with no short amount of self-assuredness, that the rampant reproduction of the troll species, spearheaded by Kanaya Maryam, will no doubt lead to mass strife!"

Maybe it's the inflammatory nature of the article, but it makes your blood boil.

SWIFER: Ello, mum.

SWIFER: Golly, you're not reading those consarned news articles again, are ya?

KANAYA: Oh Swifer

You notice your trusty assistant, who has been looking over your shoulder for god knows how long. The habit used to irk you, but you've long since realized she only does it because she cares. She's right, of course, you shouldn't be reading this schlock. Something has to be done about Jane, and that particular thing isn't going to get done unless someone DOES something instead of sitting around reading Dersite news.

But you are far from a politician or even a public figure, really. You like the quiet life, and the prospect of campaigning against her sounds taxing. Swifer places a hand on your shoulder. A soothing hand. You blush a little, feeling a pale stir in your chest. Pure, sweet Swifer.

SWIFER: What're you gonna do about that nasty ole batterwich, mum?

KANAYA: Goodness Probably Nothing Swifer

KANAYA: She Is A Blowhard

SWIFER: Heh, she sure as hay is. I hope you're right, miss. Maybe she'll jus' use up all that hot air of hers!

KANAYA: Heh

KANAYA: Yes She Has No Short Supply Of That

SWIFER: I'unno why they bother with her! She gets such attention, but. She's just a silly human!

Swifer's words give you pause.

KANAYA: Swifer, I Am Surprised At You. Show Some Respect

KANAYA: Humans Are No Lesser Than You Or I

Swifer looks at you with a strange look, one you've seen trolls give you before. Coming from her, though, it's different. Her question is earnest, but it shakes you.

SWIFER: Ain't they?

==> Be Future Kanaya

You are now future Kanaya, known henceforth as Kanaya. After a particularly intense session of punishment with your wife, she is now curled up in your arms in her bed. While she snoozes, you reflect on your conversation with Swifer. As you stroke Rose's hair, you ponder Swifer's question, which you left unanswered at the time. Humans were no lesser than trolls, were they? The notion was ridiculous, wasn't it? Your own matesprit is a human, this shouldn't be a question!

And yet, it sticks in your mind. You can't shake it loose.

You look down at your snoozing paramour, breathing heavily. The way she bent to your will, today, it felt... So utterly correct. She was yours in that moment, raptly and dutifully listening to your commands like a lowblood would bend to a highblood's words. The power you felt, the love that had opened inside you as you made Rose's remorse apparent with every firm spank... It was intoxicating.

Humans were so... Soft. They were weak. Rose wouldn't stand a chance against you in an altercation, not that one between you would ever occur. She was a foot shorter than you, her muscles thin and ropey, her skin soft to the touch. Humans were not smart, either. Half of them didn't even know their god damned times tables, for crying out loud.

Most importantly, however... Humans loved to serve. In a good mood, humans could be mobilized with surprising ease. They grouped up far more than any troll ever did, and it left them pliant and cheerful whenever it came to taking orders.

As you watch your wife, you reach an epiphany. An epiphany that transforms the world around you silently, one that recontextualizes your Jane problem entirely, one that would only enhance your connection to Rose.

KANAYA: Oh Rose

KANAYA: You Sweet Thing

You whisper lowly to your wife. You realize it now. You were a fool to think anything else. You lean into your wife's ear, whispering to her unconscious body. She squirms happily against you, her lips twitching a sleeping smile. You hope you're filling her dreams.

KANAYA: You *Are* Lesser

==> Kanaya. Plot the domestication of humanity.


	5. Essays and Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya writes some literature on her newfound political opinions. Rose finds them out and has some emotions...

==> Kanaya: Campaign

God, you hate this. You're not a public speaker, and it shows every time you're handed a mic. Karkat is there to help you on your newfound crusade, and while he is more outgoing than you are, he is no better at the speaking aspect. Still, despite your lack of skill, your speeches have been galvanizing a growing troll population on your planet, your bumbling press conferences seem to be having their intended effect- Trolls across the spectrum are listening to your message, a message of superiority.

KARKAT: WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HERE, KANAYA.

After your most recent conference before a crowd of a handful of highbloods, Karkat assails you while you rest in a big, comfy chair. You don't really want to talk shop any more, but you can't seem to bring yourself to shut him up, so you listen.

KARKAT: HUMANS HAVEN'T REALLY PICKED UP ON WHAT WE'RE DOING YET. WHAT WE ARE PROPOSING IS A WHOLESALE RESTRUCTURING OF THE SOCIAL ORDER, WITH HUMANS AT THE BOTTOM.

KARKAT: SUFFICE TO SAY, WHEN THEY PUZZLE THAT TOGETHER, THEY'RE GOING TO BE PISSED.

KANAYA: And By "They" I Am Assuming By Extension You Mean

KANAYA: Her

KARKAT: JANE, YES.

KARKAT: LUCKILY IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE KIND OF OFF HER RADAR FOR NOW. SHE'S STILL JUST MINDLESSLY FEEDING THE SAME LINES TO THOSE OILY DERSE RAGS.

KARKAT: SO WE'LL PULL TOGETHER AS MUCH SUPPORT AS WE CAN UNTIL HER INEVITABLE DISCOVERY.

KANAYA: Sounds About Right

Functionally speaking, you and Karkat have started a foundation and have been accepting donations, lobbying rich highbloods and even posting a kickstarter. Results have been more tremendous than you could ever have imagined, and you are both hard at work on phase one of the plan.

You and Karkat have written something of an essay, a seemingly innocuous article, circulating on the internet. The article serves as the linchpin to the cause you and Karkat are spearheading, the "Foundation for Responsible Human Domestication." An article titled, "Domestic Roles of Humans and You: Interspecies Romps in Matters of the Heart." The title is a little heavy handed in your opinion, but Karkat insists it's fine. In the article, some of your recent realizations about humans have been documented, most notably their penchant for domestic roles in the home. The document, you hope, will inspire other trolls to take on little human wards, just like you have. Karkat is on board, too, his situation with Dave parallels yours fairly elegantly.

Between this and your responsibilities as grub matron, you are wiped at the end of each day. Coming back home to Rose is lovely, but due to the nature of what you're proposing for humanity, you haven't been able to be transparent about your reasons for being so late.

KARKAT: FRANKLY I'M APPALLED.

KARKAT: WE'RE BEING PRETTY FUCKING OVERT HERE. I MEAN, "HUMAN DOMESTICATION?" THAT'S PRETTY EXPLICIT.

KANAYA: Yes The Lack Of Pushback Is Curious

You sigh, leaning back in your chair. You have an immense headache.

KANAYA: You Know It Is Ironic

KANAYA: This Was All Inspired By Rose But

KANAYA: I Have Done Nothing But Leave Her At Home

You miss your little wife. This whole effort is all for her, after all, it's true. She made you realize what you had to do to oppose Jane, and by extension, treat the human race at large. Karkat gives you a soft look. He tries to act boisterous and commanding at all times, but those looks are far from infrequent.

KARKAT: KANAYA.

KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU HEAD HOME EARLY?

His words lift the weight off your shoulders. You are eternally grateful.

KANAYA: Oh Karkat Are You Sure?

KARKAT: YEAH. I'LL HOLD DOWN THE FORT. BESIDES, I'VE GOT SWIFER HERE TO HELP.

You stand slowly, returning Karkat's smile. You can't wait to get home, you're sure Rose will be more than ready to accept the affection you've been keeping from her. You're sure she'll understand.

==> Be Rose.

You become Rose, and in so doing, you're overtaken with frothing fury.

You stare down at your phone, horrified at what you're seeing. "Domestic Roles of Humans and You: Interspecies Romps in Matters of the Heart, by Kanaya Maryam and Karkat Vantas."

The whole article is absolutely baffling to you, you can hardly believe it. You scroll through it again, reading the words your own wife has written over again for what must be the third time. Is THIS why Kanaya can't come home on time any more? THIS heinous, supremacist, xenophobic treatise on "domestication" is why your own wife can't be bothered to spend time with you any more? You feel the rage and sadness exhausting you.

You hear the doorknob rattle from behind you. Oh god, she's home early.

Your usual excitement at seeing Kanaya mixes together with the new emotions roiling within you. You find yourself on your feet, like usual, trotting to the door like the dutiful little human you are. You're going to really let her have it! Kanaya is going to get a damn earful about this. You open your mouth as she enters, taking a deep breath, preparing to begin your tirade.

Then... Something strange happens.

Kanaya offers you a smile. You swallow your words. You're finding the anger from just moments ago melting away as you peer into those loving Jade eyes.

KANAYA: Rose.

The breathless way she speaks your name makes you take a sharp breath.

KANAYA: I Missed You So Much

The earnest admission makes you even more disarmed, and you stand there, confused and silent, mouth slack, eyes peering up at Kanaya's.

KANAYA: Uh

KANAYA: Rose It Is Me

KANAYA: Oh Dear Are You Okay?

You realize you haven't spoken.

ROSE: Oh, yes. Sorry, I've just- Sorry. Weird day.

"Weird day?" You hardly believe the words coming out of your mouth! You were just about to bitch out Kanaya for her upsetting article, not coo and gape at her like an imbecile!

ROSE: I've been doing some fascinating reading.

Kanaya slides her arms loosely around your neck, resting on your shoulders. You sigh happily. Fuck. This is bad, you're getting distracted from the matter at hand.

KANAYA: Excellent

KANAYA: It Was Not That Awful "Andy Randy" Fellow Was It

KANAYA: You Always Become So Cross Reading Them

ROSE: Ayn Rand. And no, not her. Someone. Else. A new author.

Kanaya leans in, bending a little to nuzzle into your neck, pressing a gentle kiss to your collarbone. You shiver, your eyelids fluttering. Her lips are so soft despite their power. She trails kisses up your neck and you fall silent, unable to speak, your brain hazing at the attention you're getting.

ROSE: Ahem. You're rather. Excitable, this evening.

KANAYA: I Am Just Happy To See My Wife

She whispers the words into where your jaw meets your neck and a little whimper bubbles up in your throat. You don't know if she's actively trying to distract you or if her kisses are simply loving presses into your neck, but it's working as a distraction either way. It's now or never.

ROSE: The author I've been reading... It's you, Kanaya.

Kanaya pauses, pulling back from your neck to stare at your face, trying to analyze your expression. Admittedly, it's hard to read now, since you're so confused yourself- Most of all, you just feel a little sad that Kanaya isn't kissing you any more.

KANAYA: Really Now

Her arms are still embracing you loosely. You regret bringing this up almost immediately. You can tell Kanaya isn't going to be pressing any more little kisses to you now.

KANAYA: What Do You Think Of Our Essay?

The question strikes you as strange. Shouldn't it be obvious what you think? You're a human, and she is promoting some worrisome habits for troll/human pairs.

ROSE: I...

You don't know what you think now, really. You're at a total loss for words, a somewhat strange realization dawning on you. You blink in surprise, realizing the response to her question, the words surprising even you.

ROSE: I liked it.


	6. Domestic Roles of Humans and You: Interspecies Romps in Matters of the Heart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose reads Kanaya's article...

==> Read Kanaya's article.

"Domestic Roles of Humans and You: Interspecies Romps in Matters of the Heart."

Published by the Foundation for Responsible Human Domestication.

Part One: A Treatise

We Live In Confusing Times. Trolls, Particularly, With Their Innate Nature To Adhere To Pre-established Social Strata, Find Reconciling Their Place In The World Difficult Within The Latest Movements Regarding Equality And Hegemony.

Certain Baking Entrepreneurs Would Have You Believe That Humans Belong Shoulder-to-shoulder With The Troll Race, But In Truth, She Does Not Even Consider It Slightly. She Proposes Sanctions On Our Reproduction, Hoping To Drum Up Fear About Our Very Existence.

The Days Of Galactic Conquest Of Ancient Times Are Long Behind Us, But Jane Crocker Cannot See Past Them. Do I Blame Her, The Woman Raised By Our Very Own Wayward Empress? No. Do I Agree With Her Rhetoric? Never.

In Truth, Trolls Represent A Very Different Threat To Jane Crocker, One That Is More Existential In Nature. She Preaches "Equality" And "Sameness," Where Such Concepts Do Not Translate Into Our Culture. Where Humans Share The Same Physiology And Psychology with each other, Trolls Are Not So Homogeneous. Where "Equality" May Matter To Humans, To Trolls, It Is A Rather Silly Notion. Where "Inequality" May Upset A Human, Where To Us There Is No Shame.

We Celebrate The Differences Between Castes, And In A Post-Condesce World, Where The Lowbloods Are No Longer Mercilessly Exploited, We Fall Into Our Role With A Comfort No Human Could Feel In Such A System If It Were Imposed Onto Them. How Could They Form A Spectrum When They Are All Cut From The Same Cloth?

The Answer Is They Should Not Have To. It's True, All Humans Are Created Equal, And This Is No Better Nor Any Worse Than We Trolls' Acceptance Of Inequality. However, We Share The Same Planet.

This Begs The Question, Then. To Us, The Proud Troll Race, Complacent With Our Inequality, What Is To Be Done About This Homogeneous Species That We Enjoy Earth C With? Where Do Humans Fall Among Our Hemospectrum?

Humans Are Gentle, Sweet Creatures. Softer Than The Lowest Of Our Lowbloods, More Pliant Than The Most Obedient Teal, And More Amicable Than The Most Subservient Indigo. It's Been Clear To Trolls For A Long Time Where Humans Belong, A Truth That Jane Realizes And Instead Of Accepting, She Rallies Against.

I Propose A Solution To All This Needless Political Strife.

Domesticate Humans.

My Associate Karkat And I Have Both Experienced The Joy That Comes With Having A Human In One's Very Home, And We Would Like To Detail The Mechanics Of That Relation Here. I Hope To Implore You All To Take These Anecdotes To Heart.

Part Two: Humans and You

DAVE STRIDER NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. HE'S AN ABSOLUTE MANIAC ON THE HUMAN "TURNED TABLES" AND HE'S AN OUTSPOKEN CRITIC OF JANE CROCKER AND THE ECONOMY AT LARGE. THE MORE ESSAY-SAVVY OF YOU OUT THERE MIGHT RECOGNIZE HIS NAME FROM HIS VARIOUS WORKS, SUCH AS "THE ECONOMY: WACK" OR "REMEMBER OBAMA?"

LIVING WITH DAVE FOR THE PAST YEARS HAS ENLIGHTENED ME ACUTELY TO THE ADVANTAGES OF DOMESTICATING HUMANS.

TROLLS ARE BUSY FUCKING PEOPLE, OKAY? WE HAVE SO MANY IRONS IN SO MANY FIRES IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY. FOR SOME REASON, WE JUST TEND TO HAVE AN ABUNDANCE OF THE THINGS ALL JUST JUTTING IMPUDENTLY OUT OF COUNTLESS METAPHORICAL "FIRES" AT ALL MOMENTS. HUMANS ON THE OTHER HAND, GENERALLY SPEAKING, HAVE MAYBE ONE OR TWO IRONS IN ANY GIVEN FIRE AT ONE TIME. THIS MAY STRIKE THE MORE ENTERPRISING TROLLS AS "LAZY," BUT THIS IS FAR FROM THE CASE. WHILE HUMANS GENERALLY DON'T HAVE TOO MANY PROJECTS AT ANY GIVEN TIME, THEY ARE EXCELLENT AT SUPPORTING A TROLL'S PROJECTS.

HUMANS HAVE THIS PENCHANT FOR SUPPORT. THEY AREN'T BOUND BY THE SAME QUADRANTS AS US, SO THEY FAIL TO EXPERIENCE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN THE SAME WAY WE DO. THIS MAY SOUND PRETTY WEIRD AND SORT OF DEFICIENT, BUT IT'S ACTUALLY A BLESSING IN DISGUISE. THESE GUYS ARE FRIENDLY TO A FAULT. EVEN AT DAVE'S MOST HOSTILE AND BELLIGERENT, YOU CAN TELL HE IS TRYING DESPERATELY TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD AND EXPRESS HIS AFFECTION WITH A BLATANT DISREGARD FOR ENGAGING HIS NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.

FURTHERMORE, LOBBYING DAVE FOR HELP IS EASY. HE COMPLETES HOUSEHOLD CHORES LIKE SOME KIND OF CHORE-DOING CHAMPION. HE EXPRESSES A RELUCTANCE, BUT THE MAN ALWAYS KEEPS MY SHIT CLEAN. THEY HAVE A VARIETY OF ENVIRONMENT-RELATED HANGUPS THAT TROLLS LACK, BUT BENEFIT US GREATLY. WHERE TROLLS MAY SEE A PILE OF LUSUS LEAVINGS ON THE FLOOR AND BE UNFAZED, A HUMAN WOULD BECOME IMMEDIATELY DISGUSTED AND CLEAN IT UP WITHOUT HESITATION. WHERE A TROLL MAY SEE A PILE OF DIRTY DISHES AND JUST PURCHASE NEW FUCKING DISHES, HUMANS, INEXPLICABLY, TAKE THE TIME TO CLEAN THEM, READYING THEM FOR FUTURE USE.

RETURNING AFFECTION TO A HUMAN IS ALSO COMPLETELY EFFORTLESS. INSTEAD OF A COMPLEX DANCE OF QUADRANTS AND COMPLEX SOCIAL STRUCTURES, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO MAKE A HUMAN HAPPY IS TO "BE NICE." THAT'S IT. IT MIGHT SOUND TOO SIMPLE, BUT THAT'S THE TRUTH. JUST SIMPLY "BE NICE" AND THIS COMPLETELY FULFILLS THEM. I AM STRUCK SLIGHTLY JEALOUS THAT THIS IS ALL THEY NEED FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP.

Part Three: Domesticating Your Human

Now That We Have Demonstrated Why You Should Take In A Sweet Little Human To Be A Companion, You Are Probably Wondering How To. Unfortunately, It Is Not As Simple As Just Asking A Human To Be Your New Little Pet.

As Mentioned Before, Humans Have Hangups Related To "inequality." This May Seem Inscrutable To Us, But I Will Do My Best To Explain The Mechanics Of These Emotions And How To Navigate Them In Order To Assuage Any Equality-related Fears A Human May Have.

At First, You Must Treat Them As An Equal. To Them, This Means Giving Them Gifts, Listening, And Allowing Them To Make Decisions For Themselves. The First Two Should Be Easy, But The Third Point, Especially For Highbloods, May Be Difficult To Suppress Your Instincts On. Not To Worry.

After They Are Comfortable With You, Suggest Cohabitation. It Helps Considerably If You Intend To Include The Human In One Of Your Quadrants. Ideally, This Would Be Your Flushed Quadrant, But Pale Is Also Acceptable.

After The Human Has Lived With You For A While, Begin To Slowly Phase In Rules And Boundaries. For Example, With My Rose, I Told Her Not To Go Into My Room Unaccompanied- There Are Dangerous Sewing Implements Inside, And I Did Not Want Her To Hurt Herself On The Sharp Needles And Such.

When Setting These Boundaries, They May Be Reluctant To Listen. Do Not Worry. Reinforcing Your Instructions With Your Own Emotions Is A Helpful Tactic. Tell Your Human That You Trust Them To Follow Your Directions. If They Fail To Follow Them, Reprimand Them In A Firm Manner.

A Vital Detail In This Process Is, If They Need To Be Punished, And They Will, You Must Always Make Absolutely Positive To "be Nice," As Mentioned Above. After Breaking A Rule And Receiving Even A Rudimentary Punishment, Such As Posterior Abrasions, They Will Be Severely Compromised, Emotionally. Do Not Worry. Simply Embrace Them Or Speak Sweetly To Them And Their Emotions Will Stabilize, Even Strengthening Towards You.

Avoid Arbitrary Punishments And Make Sure To "be Nice" After Necessary Ones. If You Fail To Do So, You Risk Emotional Exploitation And Psychological Harm, Which Karkat And I Do Not Condone.

Humans Will Find Themselves More Willing To Follow Directions After A Time Of This Process, And More Boundaries Can Be Introduced. Domesticating Humans Is A Gradual Process, But Very, Very Rewarding.

Part Four: What now?

It Is Imperative That We Begin Domesticating Humans As Soon As Possible. To Advance Techniques In This Field Will Be Absolutely Paramount If We Are To Impose This New Social Strata Onto A Species Unfamiliar With The Concept.

TO THIS END, WE NEED YOUR HELP. IF YOU ARE WILLING, DONATE TO THE FOUNDATION SO WE CAN CONTINUE TO RESEARCH HUMAN DOMESTICATION TACTICS, PARTICULARLY THOSE THAT CAN BE APPLIED TO LARGER NUMBERS OF HUMANS AT ANY GIVEN TIME. BEGIN THE DOMESTICATION PROJECT ON A LOCAL HUMAN TODAY. SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH A MOIRAIL.

THIS MOVEMENT CAN ONLY ADVANCE WITH HELP FROM YOU.

[Below are dates and times for various public appearances.]


	7. Of Meetings and New Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane catches wind of Kanaya's machinations...

==> Be Jane Crocker

Your name is Jane Crocker and you just read the biggest crock of shit you've ever laid eyes on in your life.

You seethe in front of your computer screen, scanning the words again, just to make sure you read them correctly. "Human Domestication" shines back at you, smugly, as though Kanaya Fucking Maryam herself were grinning at you through the screen.

The office in the building you work in is dark, all of the other employees have gone home. You have worked tirelessly to make New Crockercorp a shining beacon of hope for all the races on Earth C, and, as usual, this is the thanks you get. Some uppity troll spewing nonsensical rhetoric onto computer screens everywhere. Surely Kanaya and Karkat can't be serious? This has to be some elaborate joke. Rose and Dave would never allow themselves to be "domesticated," the notion strikes you as absolutely ludicrous!

You navigate to the linked page, and it takes you to a web site for donations to Maryam and Vantas's little "foundation." There was no way anyone would donate to this joke of a movement.

Your jaw drops.

So far, according to this, they have raised over six million boondollars. Six million?! Such a number pales in comparison to your wealth, of course, but still- What's more appalling than the article is the fact that people are taking stock in this.

JANE: JAKE!

You holler for your trusty assistant/husband. He trots in, a big dopey grin on his big dopey face. Your mood softens just looking at this humongous idiot.

JAKE: Cheese and crackers jane old horse i was just in the next room! No need to holler at such a velocity.

You know he means "volume" and your mood softens all the more.

JANE: Yes, I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't mean to shout! I'm just a bit on edge is all.

Jake's eyes light up at your words and he takes a tentative step forward.

JAKE: Well worry not jane, for i, jake emmanuel english, have the tried-and-true solution to yank you back from this proverbial precipice!

JAKE: A bona-fide lad massage!

God damn, Jake is fucking cute. You can hardly focus on being mad with him around. You try to put on a stern face.

JANE: Well, it can't hurt, can it? Just... Rub my shoulders and listen, will you?

Jake trots around to your side of the desk, his strong, rugged hands working at your shoulders through your bright red suit. You sigh. He beams.

JAKE: Consider my listening ears equipped, jane.

JANE: Good boy.

JANE: I need you to get Kanaya on the horn.

Jake prods at a particularly firm knot on your neck. You groan, leaning back a little.

JANE: She's been a thorn in my side, lately, a bud un-nipped, as it were.

JAKE: And i take it you are going to deliver some crocker-brand bud-nipping?

JANE: Correct.

Kanaya's words swirl in your head. You look back at Jake, who beams at you. God, she's a little right, isn't she? Humans are rather pliant, especially friendly lads like Jake. You could imagine him in a nice little apron, serving you like a pet. You sigh. You hate that Kanaya's words ring true. You even consider, if for just a moment, that if YOU were a troll, you might be ready to agree wholesale.

But of course, you are not, and you don't want you nor your fellows in the human race to be unceremoniously shoved to the bottom of the hemospectrum.

Jake finishes his massage and flounces out of the room to ring up Miss Maryam. You watch him leave, as you always do, eyeing those snug shorts of his, which, in your opinion, look even better from the back. Moments later, Jake ducks his head in.

JAKE: Ah, jane, sorry to toss the wrench in these plots of yours, but miss maryam insists that she cannot meet for another fortnight.

You blink. Oh, now she's brushing you off? You take a sharp, irritated breath in. Jake recoils a little.

JAKE: Goodness, i tried to make her see reason, janey, but the old girl wouldnt hear it! Sh-shall i try once more?

You grit your teeth, grabbing your purse from the floor.

JANE: I changed my mind, Jake. We're going to pay her a visit in person.

Jake hops up, looking a tad nervous. 

==> Meet up with Kanaya.

You roll up to the Lalonde-Maryam residence in a sleek black car. You tell your chauffeur (who is also Jake,) to stay inside the car. You don't want him to distract you while you're trying to be cross with Kanaya. You find it so dag-gum hard to remain angry in his presence!

You rap on the oak door three times. The door opens onto not Kanaya, but Rose.

ROSE: Jane? What a surprise. If I had known you were coming, I would have put on some coffee.

Fuck. You can't seem to find it in you to be mad at Rose, either. She smiles and ushers you in. You sigh.

JANE: Hullo, Rose.

JANE: I hope I'm not intruding, but your wife has been rather hard to reach lately.

Rose's face twitches in a way that is difficult to read.

ROSE: She is... Very busy.

Her voice is strained. She makes short work of changing the subject.

ROSE: Tea?

She invites you to sit on the sofa. You do so, leaning back into it. You can't help but notice something new about Rose's attire.

JANE: Rose... Is that a collar?

Around Rose Lalonde's neck is a thick, dark green collar. Predictably, it is marked with the Virgo symbol, no doubt denoting who Rose has been "domesticated" by. The sight makes you bristle a little.

JANE: I can't believe this! She's making you wear a collar now, is she?

You expect Rose to agree with relief. "Oh, thank god," she would say, "someone has finally seen reason about this nonsense!" She, however, does not, turning towards you, looking curious.

ROSE: Kanaya would be hard-pressed to "make" me do anything. I chose this collar myself.

You blink. What??

JANE: You've... Rose, come now. You ought to read this little article Kanaya's written about-

ROSE: Yes, I've read her article.

JANE: You-

JANE: The human domestication one?

ROSE: She has only written the one.

She watches you with those sharp, lavender eyes as you stare at her with your baby blues, your mouth slack. Rose KNOWS? Rose is COMPLICIT? Have you awoken in some kind of hellish alternate reality?

ROSE: Tea?

Rose repeats the question, cocking her head. You swallow, shutting your mouth.

JANE: Very well.

There is a knock on the door.

ROSE: Ah, Jane, can you grab the door? I'm steeping the tea, here.

==> Open the door.

You hoped the door would open on Kanaya, but to your dismay, it is Jake, squirming like someone is prodding him with needles.

JAKE: Ah, golly, jane, sorry, but a fella has needs!

JAKE: Pardon, miss lalonde, can i use your facilities?

ROSE: Jake? Absolutely. I'll make another cup of tea.

You glare daggers at Jake, but he avoids your eyes and hurries past you towards the bathroom.

Rose emerges with three cups of tea, but you don't care. This visit was obviously a bust, and there's no point in waiting around.

JANE: Sorry to have mad you bother, Rose, but we were just leaving. We were only looking for Kanaya anyway.

ROSE: Oh. That's alright.

Rose deflates a little. Poor thing. She looked excited to talk to you. You try to feel guilty, but you're feeling too dejected yourself to sympathize. You retreat back to the car, waiting for Jake to emerge, leaving Rose and her three cups alone.

==> Sulk.

You sit and stew alone in the back seat. So far, today has been absolutely ghoulish. You have no idea what to make of the collar wrapped around Rose's neck nor Kanaya's recent ideas, nor the outpouring of support she's received. It's all so confusing and rather upsetting! This is what you were warning everyone about. Trolls and their idiotic notions of superiority. You saw it first-hand with The Condesce, why wouldn't anyone believe you about them?

You'd have to double down on your anti-troll rhetoric. Let them call you a xenophobe! Where before it had been about your concerns about rampant troll reproduction, now it was about your very survival as an autonomous species.

God, where the hell was Jake!?

You open the door of the car, marching back into Rose's house. To your chagrin, Jake is seated comfortably on the sofa, his lap full of a tea saucer and several biscotti cookies like he were some kind of prince.

JAKE: Oh jane! Golly i lost track of the time, rose was just telling me-

His cuteness can't save him from your ire this time.

JANE: Car. Now.

Jake hastily stands, scooping up a few of his cookies, hurriedly shuffling out the front door. Rose sits patiently, her hands in her lap.

ROSE: You really don't have to go, Jane. I could use some company.

There's that forlorn expression, again. You turn on your heel, unable to meet her gaze any more.

JANE: Goodbye, Rose.

==> Go home.

The drive home is terse. Jake looks like a kicked puppy, continuously glancing at you in the backseat from the rear-view. After a few miles, he tentatively speaks.

JAKE: Rosie seemed rather in good spirits.

JAKE: She was just telling me about that dapper collar of hers. Kanaya encouraged her to get it.

JAKE: I think its a rather nice gesture really. Like... Like a wedding ring of sorts! But for ones neck rather than the traditional ring finger.

JAKE: Heh.

JAKE: A little token that says "i am a taken lass!"

Jake pauses, an absent-minded smile on his face.

JAKE: Heck, she looked so proud to be festooned in one, well...

JAKE: I, ah.

JAKE: I was just thinking how maybe it wouldnt be so bad to-

JANE: Jake, could you shut your mouth and drive, please?

Jake falls silent. You know the moment you've spoken that you were too harsh. You cringe, looking out the window rather than at Jake's dejected face. You wouldn't have gotten so cross with him if you hadn't felt deep down, in some tiny part of your stomach... He was right.

==> Be Kanaya

You have not been able to visit the broodcaverns in days. You meant to today, but you were absolutely haggard after a particularly long meeting with a few highblood donors who were interested in studying larger-scale domestication efforts. You are so stressed, having so many projects, so many balls in the air. As you drive home from your horrid exhausting meeting, your phone rings. You sigh, exasperatedly. Who could be bothering you, now? As soon as you see who's calling, though, your expression brightens immediately.

Rose Lalonde seems to be calling you, according to your phone. You're suddenly reminded of why you're doing all of this, what all your effort is going towards. You clear your throat, pressing the phone to your ear, ready to greet Rose with your sweetest voice.

KANAYA: Rose My Love

KANAYA: It Is Lovely To Hear You

ROSE: Are you coming home?

Her voice is so adorably imploring. You can hear every ounce of love she doesn't even mean to signify in her forlorn, yearning tone of voice. She misses you.

KANAYA: Of Course Darling

Rose sighs on the other end. Your heart melts.

ROSE: Good. I have some good news on my end, as well.

KANAYA: Oh?

ROSE: You'll love this.

Rose's voice is filled with mischief. You grin slyly, wondering what she could possibly be talking about. 

ROSE: You'll never guess who just paid a visit.


	8. Unexpected yet Welcome Dissolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose wants to be more useful to the cause...

==> Be Rose.

Kanaya has been getting home later and later. You try to put on a brave face for her and help her relax once she gets home, but you're finding it more and more difficult not to be dejected about her frequent absence. It's as though as soon as she opened this new avenue of your relationship, she shut you out. You hope that ends today.

You just got off the phone with her, and you feel pretty good about it. She'll be happy to hear about what you've done for her new cause. Jake was alarmingly easy to lobby when it came to discussing the finer points of being a troll's human. The envious way he looked at your collar made you feel impossibly self-assured.

Today, you want to look especially good for Kanaya. You adjust your collar, making sure her symbol is facing out, fussing with it as you wait to hear that door open. Play it cool, Rose, you have to be casual about this. She can't know you're angling to ask her something, you have to make her feel good, first.

When the door opens, you calmly greet your wife. She looks down at your serene face, blinking.

KANAYA: Well Now

KANAYA: You Are Certainly Excited To Ask Me Something

Damn! You can't be that transparent. Your mouth opens, intent to play it off casually, but you completely fail to.

ROSE: I am a sheet of cellophane to you, my love.

Kanaya giggles, pulling you into a familiar embrace. An embrace of two women who have shared so much of their life, an embrace is as without thought and as comfortable as slipping into a comfy robe.

ROSE: I wanted to discuss some matters which have been on my mind.

Lately, Kanaya has been slowly changing. You love to watch it happen, seeing her become more comfortable, more assertive. Where there was once a somewhat fretful troll, before your eyes, she was becoming someone new. Still, some of the changes make you feel strange, like the way she dismissively giggles at you.

KANAYA: Of Course Rose

KANAYA: What Sweet Thoughts Have Filled That Silly Head

You try to quell the feelings that arise in your stomach when she condescends to you. You swallow, speaking.

ROSE: You are gone quite a bit. I know we have discussed this before, and-

KANAYA: Oh Goodness

KANAYA: Rose I Have Explained This To You

KANAYA: I Have Work To Do

ROSE: I know, I am not complaining about your recent goals, even though I am... Well. Still not sure how I feel about them. But...

ROSE: No matter how I feel, I want to help.

Your words seem to strike Kanaya as surprising. She clearly didn't expect that.

KANAYA: H... Help?

She giggles again, ruffling your hair, this time not out of condescension, but out of pride. Your heart swells.

KANAYA: Oh My Goodness

KANAYA: I Have Been So Absorbed I Did Not Even Consider That

KANAYA: What A Lovely Idea Rose

Lovely? This was going excellently. Kanaya loved your idea! You'll be able to see her, too, working side by side with your troll to help her achieve her goals. You're sick of being sidelined, you wanted to show her humans were more than just little pets, after all.

ROSE: Excellent, I thought you might think so.

ROSE: I was thinking I could take calls or do some fund-raising, I'm-

Kanaya shooshed you, stroking your face gently, gazing into it lovingly.

KANAYA: I Know The Perfect Job For You On Team Maryam Rosie

"Rosie." Kanaya's newest nickname. Every time she used it, it made your heart flutter, no matter how many times those two syllables spilled past her lips. No one had called you that since your mother, and even then, you suffered it quietly, finding it cloying coming from Lalonde Sr. From Kanaya, however, the intent couldn't be clearer.

ROSE: Ah, you're right, I could perhaps write for you, I'm-

KANAYA: You Will Be Our Little Mascot

You blink.

ROSE: Pardon?

KANAYA: Our Mascot

KANAYA: Human Spokesperson If You Will

Kanaya is beaming at you, but you're not sure what to think. It seems you're the one caught off guard, now.

ROSE: Mascot.

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: A Mascot Is A Being Used So Signify A Cause Or Organization

ROSE: I know what a mascot is, Kanaya.

This is... Not what you had in mind.

ROSE: Surely my talents could be used more constructively, Kanaya.

KANAYA: Your Talents? Such As Looking Cute And Acting Sweet?

KANAYA: I Can Think Of No More Ideal Use For Them Than To Be Our Adorable Mascot

You open your mouth to protest, but Kanaya's hand grazes your thigh. You wish such a tiny gesture wasn't so distracting, but it is. She draws little circles just above your knee, grinning over her fangs, her eyes peering down into yours with unflinching eye contact. You shiver, unable to keep a coo from leaving your throat.

KANAYA: It Is Settled

KANAYA: Tomorrow You Will Come To Work With Me

She knows what she's doing. She knows what you want and she knows you're going to fuss about it, and she knows how to distract you enough to keep your fussing at bay. Her eyes say it all. God, when did you become so predictable to her? It feels like lately she's inside your head, even when she is barely around. You try to focus, but those green eyes and her teasing fingers keep you silent. You feel that distinct feeling of being putty in her hands, the feeling you've been experiencing nearly non-stop as of late.

KANAYA: Good Girl

A shiver runs down your spine, a smooth, lovely frission at those words. You are quiet, your volume lowered, your worries pacified.

ROSE: Thank you.

You mumble, leaning into the crook of Kanaya's neck. She pets your back, allowing you to nuzzle into her. At the end of the day, when the mind games are through, you just want... This. Cuddling gently with your beautiful troll.

KANAYA: Now Then

Kanaya straightens up, businesslike, a grin on her face.

KANAYA: Tell Me All About Janes Visit

**Author's Note:**

> Try my Twitter! https://twitter.com/FunkMcLovin


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